More points are better right?

Book 'em Dano I just signed up for traffic school to clear my run-in with the law off my driving record.

I could have signed up for the normal variety of traffic school but alas good judgement went by the wayside and I signed up for the Pizza For You With Comedians Too school. Now with a name like this you would assume that:

  1. Humor will be present (although it may be hard to stomach at 7:45am on a Saturday morning in February)
  2. Pizza will be consumed
However, my past experiences with such traffic schools (I have been twice before), is that this is not usually the case. Usually you get some poor guy trying out his (rarely funny) material before a very unwelcome audience and then they phone for pizza or have someone from the class make a pizza run. The pizza is mostly the cardboard crust with a good dose of grease variety pizza. I am far from the smartest business man on the planet but I think this is a deeply flawed business idea.

To make grumpy traffic offenders laugh on a Saturday morning, you can't use hack comedians. You need a Robin Williams quality, Chris Rock, Denis Leary, Mitch Hedberg, pee your pants funny, comedians. Upgrade the pizza to a Round Table or better quality pizza and we might have something. I would actually look forward to traffic school...

Friend: Hey, I am catching Dave Matthews in concert this weekend. Do you want to come along?
Me: Naw, I am going to traffic school. Janeane Garafalo is the teacher and I hear David Spade is opening.
Friend: Oh sweet! Maybe I can get pulled over before then! I'll dump these Dave Matthews tickets off on my little sister.
Me: Better act quick, I hear traffic school last Saturday sold out in ten minutes. You don't want to get stuck with lawn seats either.
This might defeat the purpose but I figure if convicted felons get "resort-style" minimum security prisons then Joe Average should get the comedy concert traffic school option. I will report back on the impending punishment and maybe, just maybe I'll get a diamond in the rough.


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