It's been a year since I told you of my wacky adventures with people calling my business line and asking for all sorts of places that are certainly not the home of my consulting practice. I bring this up again because there has been a resurgence in the frequency of the calls, some of which I have finally gotten to the bottom of.
All of the requests for 'Bastard Convalescent Home' have turned out to really be calling for 'Bassard Convalescent Home' and is one digit off of my number. Enunciation is key in a phone call of this nature. What really bothers me is that someone thought that 'Bassard' was a fitting name for an old folks home. I don't care if your last name is Bassard get with the program and look into something like 'Pleasant Acres Rest Home' , 'Happy Sams Retirement Village' or 'Your Kids Will Always Visit You Home for the Aged'. I guess it could be worse, they could be named Dirkweed Retirement Home.
The calls that really get me are calls for the pest control place. These folks always call with a bit of panic in their voices. They usually just blurt out whatever pestilence is currently troubling them before I can get them to wrap their heads around the fact that I haven't any toxins that can do them any good. If I did I wouldn't have a perpetual ant problem in my kitchen.
My favorite recent pest control call was the woman who finally came to grips with the fact that I wasn't whatever number she was trying and said, 'Are you sure you can't help me anyway?' I envisioned a scenario whereby I would quote her my hourly rate for hornets nest removal and then ran to the Piggly Wiggly to pick up some cans of Raid and a bug bomb for good measure. I would scrawl 'Jason's Bug Control and Web Consulting Service' on an old t-shirt to give myself that professional look and come back with 30 to 40 good stings. I passed on the oppourtunity but maybe if it was just a mouse or caterpillars I will give it a whack.